1. elbonics (el bon’ iks)
n. the actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
2. elecelleration (el a cel er ay’ shun)
n. the mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
3. frust (frust)
n. the small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
4. lactomangulation (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun)
n. manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.
5. neonphancy (ne on’ fan see)
n. a fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.
6. peppier (pehp ee ay’)
n. the waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
7. petonic (peh ton’ ik)
adj. one who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.
8. phonesia (fo nee’ zhuh)
n. the affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. pupkus (pup’ kus)
n. the moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. telecrastination (tel e kras tin ay’ shun)
n. the act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.
canned thoughts 